therapy goals
Feb. 17th, 2026 12:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whereismikoso as it turned out, my problems that stem from anxiety actually stem from autism, so the most traditional handbook of dealing with things im anxious about is not working. its not not working either, its just i do have my anxiety under control when i don't try to control it. sounds counterintuitive, but it boils down to the fact that my subconsciousness has it under wraps up to a point. up to a point of when the anxious/scared emotion goes up to an 8, and then my mind tends to blank and i melt down. which does not happen that often lately! i am not overly stressed by anything, my parents are in support of my life choices, i will be moving to a small town and maybe buying a flat next year (fingers crossed), i have a job that i don't entirely hate and i'm finishing my bachelor's! so in terms of general life direction, i'm seeing a lot of light at the end of the tunnel. hell, the tunnel is even lit a bit, and maybe the lights are flickering from time to time and i would prefer the light to be yellower than this sickly blue white, but it's still nice.
that brings me to the main thing, which is: i am not sure where my problems lay and how to cope. my therapy goals before were:
1. i will eat 3 meals a day (mostly okay at that now)
2. i will take a shower every day (...meh? but also i don't leave home much and don't feel as gross not showering)
3. movement once a week (i have a physical job that i count as movement)
4. i will call people back on the phone (not great, but happened a few times and i did not die so. semi-success here)
5. i will ask people for help (not sure, i think i'm fine with asking but sometimes can't cope with the fact that people reject my requests or agree and then don't do the things)
6. i will not resign when there are setbacks
7. i will not cut ties with people when one thing goes wrong
8. i will not use black and white thinking
- i will accept other people's faults
9. i will experience things with more self-consciousness (i mean like. sometimes in life i feel like a baloon that's just blown onto by certain things. i kind of know? the direction and i kind of know? how to control the flow but there's no real purpose or idea behind that. i have things to do and i do them and i don't stop to think why or how do they make me feel)
so from what i can see, the problem that i have is resigning when there are setbacks, withdrawing when there's any failure. which is directly connected to the black and white thinking, which is directly connected to the fact that i detest discomfort. a lot of things in my life would be easier if i could just make the discomfort sensors less... sensitive. if i could make myself less sensitive! so the biggest thing i would like to work on for now is making my discomfort window bigger. allowing myself to feel the emotions i feel, but being able to push through them, or make it less unbearable. because sometimes even the easiest chores and situations and changes make me physically and mentally hurt, make me drained. and can my brain be blamed for not wanting me to suffer all the time?
there's some internalized christian thought of penance here. that i deserve the things that happen to me. that it shouldn't be easy. the more it hurts, the more meaningful it is. and i think that's one reason why autistic people thrive in catholic church! because it makes their suffering worthwhile and sets some rules, examples, routines. but i digress. the question is: really? do i really have to suffer so much? and if not, what can i do to not feel terrible?
on tomorrow's session, i will try to estabilish that. how to make myself be able to live in discomfort (which is unavoidable), but while not suffering. that would be pretty neat.
that brings me to the main thing, which is: i am not sure where my problems lay and how to cope. my therapy goals before were:
1. i will eat 3 meals a day (mostly okay at that now)
2. i will take a shower every day (...meh? but also i don't leave home much and don't feel as gross not showering)
3. movement once a week (i have a physical job that i count as movement)
4. i will call people back on the phone (not great, but happened a few times and i did not die so. semi-success here)
5. i will ask people for help (not sure, i think i'm fine with asking but sometimes can't cope with the fact that people reject my requests or agree and then don't do the things)
6. i will not resign when there are setbacks
7. i will not cut ties with people when one thing goes wrong
8. i will not use black and white thinking
- i will accept other people's faults
9. i will experience things with more self-consciousness (i mean like. sometimes in life i feel like a baloon that's just blown onto by certain things. i kind of know? the direction and i kind of know? how to control the flow but there's no real purpose or idea behind that. i have things to do and i do them and i don't stop to think why or how do they make me feel)
so from what i can see, the problem that i have is resigning when there are setbacks, withdrawing when there's any failure. which is directly connected to the black and white thinking, which is directly connected to the fact that i detest discomfort. a lot of things in my life would be easier if i could just make the discomfort sensors less... sensitive. if i could make myself less sensitive! so the biggest thing i would like to work on for now is making my discomfort window bigger. allowing myself to feel the emotions i feel, but being able to push through them, or make it less unbearable. because sometimes even the easiest chores and situations and changes make me physically and mentally hurt, make me drained. and can my brain be blamed for not wanting me to suffer all the time?
there's some internalized christian thought of penance here. that i deserve the things that happen to me. that it shouldn't be easy. the more it hurts, the more meaningful it is. and i think that's one reason why autistic people thrive in catholic church! because it makes their suffering worthwhile and sets some rules, examples, routines. but i digress. the question is: really? do i really have to suffer so much? and if not, what can i do to not feel terrible?
on tomorrow's session, i will try to estabilish that. how to make myself be able to live in discomfort (which is unavoidable), but while not suffering. that would be pretty neat.
